Five Things

Five Things

Several weeks ago, I was nominated for a challenge: the “5 Things I Like About Myself” challenge. For this nomination, I would like to thank Cherylene, from living vs. existing, wherein she provides incredible, thought-provoking, and enlightening posts. Cherylene radiates joy, empowerment, and elegance in her writing—be that in her posts or comments—that continue to engage and encourage whomever stumbles across her path. Her site can be found here, and as her personal responses to this challenge can be found here.

The rules are as follows:

  • Thank the nominator
  • Display the picture on your post
  • List 5 things you like about yourself
  • 1 thing must be a physical attribute
  • Tag 3 or more people

5-things-i-like-about-myself

Five things:

Before I begin, I’d like to make note of the first thoughts that came to mind upon receiving this challenge: (1) immediate flattery to have been asked to participate and share my answers and (2) instant fear about delivering an honest and well-articulated answer. I feel many may not find themselves circulating this latter thought; however, I also feel that it is a relatively common and difficult one to pave through in order to find personal truth in such a heavy challenge. These days, it is either more simple or more difficult to outline the attributes that make you who you are—that mold and define you—that you also cherish—like, or love—about yourself, without doubt. Personally, I go in and out of life’s peaks and valleys, wherein one day I exhibit passion about one characteristic I possess, and another day I begin to question, doubt, and feel a need to rework my Being. Nonetheless, as with life, I believe that liking “things” about yourself—for the purpose of appreciating and bettering yourself—is a never-ending, perpetual activity which must be practiced repeatedly in order to grow, develop, and truly find joy in your Being; in yourself.

  1. My curly hair: I feel truly blessed for the bouncy, fluffy mess atop my head. Never (to my recollection that is) have I wished for straight hair, or any other hair style. Also, I will disclose something that is not so secretive: I consider myself quite “lazy” when it comes to beautifying and hairstyling, so being able to wake up and give my head a bit of a shake works perfectly for my lifestyle. It is a defining feature that I love, wholeheartedly.
  2. My willingness and ability to listen: Given the situation in which I find myself, I have learned to appreciate the value of listening. We all have stories, daily events, hardships, accomplishments, and thoughts that reside so subjectively in our minds; waiting to shared, and heard. I find so much fulfilment in being able to converse, relate to, and listen to those I get the chance to spend time with. I am amazed how much one will share with you when given the opportunity—when you listen. I have recognized my need to share and be listened to, and continually strive to be present, inquire, and listen. I find it is the best way to learn.
  3. My mind: Although paradoxical with my MS diagnosis (due to the fact that my mind contains lesions), I am in awe at my mind—how it continues (despite my lesions) to rewire itself, attain new information and retain knowledge, host my innermost thoughts, maneuver me throughout the environment, adjust to the ever-changing environment, and communicate with the rest of the world. The list is endless. I am so grateful for my mind and its complexity; for its openness to the world; and its willingness to be enlightened or hold strong to its values.
  4. My perseverance: I believe we find strength during our struggles. When we find ourselves in hardship, and in need, we (more often than not) develop the strength required to persevere and overcome. This perseverance can be either short-lived or a lifetime’s worth of effort. Nonetheless, I am intrigued by the perseverance that I have demonstrated (and continue to build) since my MS diagnosis; to name one challenge I openly struggle with. Regardless of the situation anyone finds themselves in, it is truly fascinating to see the transformation we undergo, to find strength and persevere. I am in wonderment.
  5. My humility and sense of humour: Oftentimes, when I find myself in awkward situations, I have noticed my habit to lighten the situation and add some element of humour to the rye dish. Be that with my MS (more in the initial stages of my diagnosis and acceptance) or a casual conversation. To me, laughter is essential, as is the ability to act humbly during times of tension. I certainly know that I do not always exude this to my best ability, however, it is a practice I hope to strengthen in my daily life—to lighten the burdens of society’s stresses and life’s illnesses we all, to some degree, face. Humility and humour are invaluable tools to live well.

My nominees are:

Anyone who wishes to participate!

Alyssa

ellie894

Invisibly Me

Laura Bon

This is the first time I have been asked to participate in something of this nature–a challenge. I will forever be developing my love for these attributes, as well as the many others that distinguish me from my past self; accepting my self and bettering my Being.

Kindest

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Listen and Hear Me

Listen and Hear Me

The sincerity of listening–reaching out, attending to, and valuing the thoughts and needs of another–has no comparable measure. To listen and to hear, truly, is a comforting blanket of care–support–most valued. It is most needed during times of vulnerability, self-doubt, and health struggles; both mental and physical. Moreover, the comfort is felt from both ends as the blanket stretches its warmth, understanding, and consolation; extending towards empowerment. We are not on placed on this earth to be alone, so it is imperative that we recognize what is missing. Listen and hear me. Gain understanding. Grow a community.

myms2016

Listen and Hear Me

How do you know when it’s all worthwhile? How do you know that everything you’ve put forth is right? How do you know when you’ll be hurt, or when you’ll be healed? How do you know what step to take next? Will it be for you, or for the collective, or some other incomprehensible congress? How do you know…?

Sitting – soaking – sinking into my thoughts; my insecurities, my fears. Immobilized by my own mind, though my body has already claimed this control, I feel lost and don’t know how to fix this; this feeling of gross uncertainty. I seek council, guidance, and support.

‘Help me, God,’ runs unbroken through my mind – thoughts of desperation. I reach out and feel nothing; out again, feeling walled. I retract my reach and wrap around to find comfort in myself – I will listen.

We call unceasing…

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Confounding Principles

Confounding Principles

There is something that has never settled well with me. Something—a conversation—I keep finding myself having; and it leaves me disheartened.

We have these amazing and near-perfect notions of what we want; what our life will be and how it will play out. These notions are, unfortunately, not as incredible as we imagine. Not even close; because they are figurative and exist entirely in our imagination. In reality, with which many of us have lost touch, events are much more…well…real and often disappointing. They are not disappointing relative to the entire definition of the term; no, they are disappointing because reality has proven itself once again that we do not live alone in an imaginative world where everything runs according to our rules, wants, and wishes. These realities are the laws of life and of our relationships within life.

When we consider commitment, we conceptualize fantastical ever afters of bliss and belonging. We also obsess over the strain, stress, and caged-in effect that commitment poses; from which we are repulsed and often decide to reject proposed promises made by ourselves or another. And that is disheartening. This is a continued conversation of life, living, and finding someone with whom we truly belong.

Nothing ever occurs as expected. If it does, it is a rare occurrence that should not be expected following any decision. And this is an issue we must grapple with because expectation is formed unconsciously; or in our suppressed consciousness. We are intelligent, so I also believe that we play the ignorance card by adopting negligent patterns while living. It is rather astounding and quite unimaginative—ignorance—that leaves us in a state of stagnation, wherein growth does not occur nor does companionship. I find it so unfortunate that we continuously decide against a proposal—a decision—because we fear what may be expected thereafter.  That we would rather be in a constant state of conflict, destruction (of ourselves and of those around us), and dejection—a state of nil commitment and eternal loneliness.

I am confounded by such tenets—these unhealthy realities.

A Walk In My Shoes

A Walk In My Shoes

It’s been two years in writing; and almost three since the news that was both relieving and daunting…
This piece is still so real–so raw–and brings back all the confusing and terrifying memories of the sensations (and numbness) that followed me with every step. And still, I walk in my shoes–to remember and to then (hopefully) walk better. I do, however, take the shoes off 😉 as should we all–to embrace the road and be grounded in this life.
The journey continues.

myms2016

03/20/2016
I wrote the following blurb last summer to let out my thoughts about my diagnosis. I decided for it to be the first thing I post here; as a beginning marker to my journey with MS…

A Walk In My Shoes – 08/07/2015

Shoes, now those are definitely a battle on their own to walk in. This was one of my early clues that something wasn’t right. I remember, even as a kid, I never liked shoes; running around in my bare feet on the gravel. But, about a year and a half ago (almost two years now!), as I took a long walk with my mom, I had this immense urge to take my shoes off…like I needed to cool down…and it helped for a brief moment, until I warmed up again and I had no shoes left to remove. Still stumbling in my bare feet, feeling dizzy…

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POEM – Silence

POEM – Silence

It is fascinating to reflect and note the similar feelings that were had one year ago–feelings most alike to those had now, one year later…. The silence is both frightening (loud and overwhelming) and incredibly lonely; and filled with many tears.

myms2016

Hold me, Dear Silence.
Let nothing interfere.

The noise of this world
Brings nothing, but fear.

I curl and I shrink,
Trying to cover my ears –

Their sounds rumble around –
I feel they are near.

Now hold me Dear, Silence.
Hold me and steer.

Keep tight your reigns
And take ‘way my tears.

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POEM – Another

POEM – Another

Our souls do indeed thirst for another–for warmth and companionship. The many, many wishes we have to escape our sorrows and this cold world. For such, we dare to dream and believe.

myms2016

With deep sorrow unfolds
Our tales so told.

That wishing upon wishing
We never grow old.

Our souls thirst for another
Yet, others aren’t sold.

We dare dream to believe
Of a life not so cold.

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POEM – Paper Palindrome

POEM – Paper Palindrome

Words keep spilling over paper.

The words are loud,
producing sopping wet pellets of ice

that ricochet towards the readers’ eyes;
burning holes in their minds
and eroding into larger spaces

where nothing settles—
everything just spills.
The loud pellets of wet ice burn

endlessly in the hollowed readers’ minds;
never settling. And still

words keep spilling over paper.