Today, I want to start off on a better note. I want to void these negative feelings. Not ignore, but rather channel them in a positive direction. Everyday IS what you make it and, to have that much power focused on darkness, is really maladaptive. So…I want to shed some light on that shadow I cast and focus on the good in the day…in life.
First, I want to center in on all of those that support me. I want to acknowledge them and bask in the goodness that I am filled with by their kind words. It’s incredible how much difference even one person can make in your day…your life. I want to thank those who’ve extended their ears, arms, and help if I ever need it…because I do. We all need that from time to time. It’s so easy to get caught up in your own story; focusing on all of the pieces you want to perfect. I know I am guilty. But when you look around, your life and it’s parts are completed by the people who make time for you and the people you make time for. This is one goodness that I am grateful for and one that gives me hope.
Second, I want to reflect on my accomplishments; both big and small…even minuscule. And I think that everyone should do this; not to glorify, but to appreciate and find peaceful fulfillment. I have built myself, with the support of others, and I AM proud of all that I’ve been through…of all that I’ve overcome and learned in making me. I push myself, as a perfectionist, to be the best that I can be…to do the best that I can. And, I’ve come so far in the past year with myself, that I am happy. Why would I want to belittle the good I’ve found from this? I feel much more in tune with my body and the things that I can handle. I’ve learned that my best one day may not be the same the next, but it IS still my best in that day…in that moment.
This IS goodness, and it surrounds me wherever I go.
I apologize to myself for being sad and for being angry. Because this doesn’t lighten the load I carry. Like I said before, it is maladaptive. With anger and sadness comes stress; followed by exacerbation and self-destruction. Don’t get me wrong…it is good to feel and let out your hurt. But letting it consume you is a dangerous route. I know stress affects the way the body’s systems work and can actually be harmful and degenerative…I don’t want that…I don’t need any more of that.
I apologize to those around me that see my sadness and hear my anger. It’s human nature to act towards others as you’ve been acted upon. And I don’t want to be surrounded by those feelings all because that is the environment I chose to build my foundation on. I see others suffer and I know that there is only so much I can do. I can provide support, I can provide encouragement, and I can listen. But, I can’t fix or make better what they are going through on my own. So, same goes for me. I accept the helping hands and hope that, through the strength within me, I can stand out of that darkness and share the light that is extended to me.
Life is a gift. Life is hope. Life is light.