Entertainment. A pleasurable experience we all incorporate into our lives; a societal diversion of which we also seldom have complete control. It is a motivating force, an uplifting hoist, an escape from reality, and a chance to relate and find a community that is alike you. As I cruise through life, I find that I go through my daily interactions in a very similar, very repetitive pattern – acting aloof to break the silence, for hopes of a chuckle and to flip the frowns – all for the sake of entertainment.
I suppose this communicative pattern that I’ve observed is more or less innate – almost automatic – that I desire to entertain and make light of shady spaces. As early as I can remember, I’ve danced and entertained and never once despised the exposure of my passion to those eager to experience it. No doubt, not all forms of performance did I feel as driven to pursue; for example, I could never comfortably sing alone in front of an audience no matter how much I loved to sing. But the dancing, I could not perform enough and I now wish I’d seen that endless passionate pursuit earlier; for I loved to entertain.
To be successful in bringing cheer to those around me is more rewarding than I can explain. At work the other day I found myself standing up in front of my exercise crew (a group of lively and energetic seniors) walking like a “spotty dog” to demonstrate what I was trying to avoid during the sitting exercises. Spotty dog is a term that I learnt while dancing on the cruise ships. It refers to the action of walking, moving, dancing while leading with the same arm and leg; in opposed to stepping forward with the right leg and swinging the left arm, which is much more natural and essential for maintaining balance. As I finish my demonstration the group giggles and I realize how foolish I just made myself look, but I did not feel humiliated. Deep within my soul I wanted that reaction. I wanted to entertain and to see the enjoyment from my enthusiastic demonstration.
This desire to entertain has aided my methods of coping with my MS; which I say with complete certainty. When my sister was living with me, my MS would be a key contributor to our laughing fits while we walked together. I’d be staggering like a drunk fool – a not yet coordinated child with knees giving out then locking back in hyperextension – swaying heavily to the side instead of straight ahead. The experience is really quite humorous because no matter how much I focused, the coordination was just not there, I was either over or undershooting, and all I could do was clutch her hand trusting that she had us both. Though this is a rather unfortunate circumstance and even quite saddening one could say, it’s remarkably beautiful that together we could make light of it and be joyfully entertained; better yet, that I was the spark that ignited the flame.
Reality can be a hard pill to swallow, and for many one that does not go down at all. Having MS is definitely one that continues to come back up, even after I’ve downed it with the impression it’ll stay. Unfortunately, there’s no telling when it will come back again, but I know that I will not choke and that having this monster of a disease cannot make me a monster. This, I know for a fact. My MS has made me grow and has been one huge push to finding humility as well as the confidence to make what I love apart of my life. So this is me, here I am for your entertainment and my own sanity.