There is something that has never settled well with me. Something—a conversation—I keep finding myself having; and it leaves me disheartened.
We have these amazing and near-perfect notions of what we want; what our life will be and how it will play out. These notions are, unfortunately, not as incredible as we imagine. Not even close; because they are figurative and exist entirely in our imagination. In reality, with which many of us have lost touch, events are much more…well…real and often disappointing. They are not disappointing relative to the entire definition of the term; no, they are disappointing because reality has proven itself once again that we do not live alone in an imaginative world where everything runs according to our rules, wants, and wishes. These realities are the laws of life and of our relationships within life.
When we consider commitment, we conceptualize fantastical ever afters of bliss and belonging. We also obsess over the strain, stress, and caged-in effect that commitment poses; from which we are repulsed and often decide to reject proposed promises made by ourselves or another. And that is disheartening. This is a continued conversation of life, living, and finding someone with whom we truly belong.
Nothing ever occurs as expected. If it does, it is a rare occurrence that should not be expected following any decision. And this is an issue we must grapple with because expectation is formed unconsciously; or in our suppressed consciousness. We are intelligent, so I also believe that we play the ignorance card by adopting negligent patterns while living. It is rather astounding and quite unimaginative—ignorance—that leaves us in a state of stagnation, wherein growth does not occur nor does companionship. I find it so unfortunate that we continuously decide against a proposal—a decision—because we fear what may be expected thereafter. That we would rather be in a constant state of conflict, destruction (of ourselves and of those around us), and dejection—a state of nil commitment and eternal loneliness.
I am confounded by such tenets—these unhealthy realities.